Sometimes when the pain is so great, we will let anyone be the doctor. And other times, you want no one to be the doctor. You don't want help. You just want to remain in your own sadness and think. You feel that no one can help rescue you and no one can do anything to help. It would just make it worse. So you let no one inside your head to help. You leave that to yourself. But your own self doubt and pity for yourself gets in the way of reasoning. You can't reason with yourself to be pulled from your sadness because you don't think you can be. Your mind wants you to stay in this state so you don't get hurt again. But you're not stupid, you know it might happen again if you're not careful.
But other times you take a leap from the norm and trust someone to help you. A small opening is shown to let just one person in, to test the waters. Will it actually work? You don't know until you start to spill everything that's been eating at you for a long time. You don't know if it's the right thing to do once you start, but you can't pull back now. They already know something's wrong. It would be so embarrassing if they spilled it to someone else. It would be horrible because you see that said person frequently. Or maybe you don't. You don't care because it feels good to let someone in finally, even if your brain is smart and screams at you not to. You never mind it and continue. You hope that they can do something to help, and they most likely can, even if they don't say much. Even if you drag them into something you didn't want to, you still want help. And they don't mind giving it.
But what deep wound ever healed without a scar? None. Everything leaves a mark on your heart, on your life. But it makes you stronger. I know it hurts, it's life, and it's real. It fucking hurts and it kills, but it's pretty much all we've got.Nothing anyone can say or do can take back what is done because it's already imprinted on your life. The scar will be there for the rest of your life and you'll look back on it years from now and remember the pain you went through. But you got through it successfully and you're still on the earth. You're still part of humanity and stronger than ever. You have risen above it all.
You can't always get what or who you want and it's something that you've come to realize. It's not fair, we know. But God only gives you the people you need in your life to hurt you, leave you and love you. He doesn't give you the people you want. Yes, you might miss the past, but it's not part of your present for a reason. A damn good one. You can't wait for everything to pass, you have to learn to deal with the pain and the problems and dance in the rain. Happiness doesn't necessarily need sunshine to be happiness. You can find it in the rain. Holding onto something or someone after they've left you can be unhealthy and ruin your present. It's why people learn to live and let die.
You'll know you've found people worth your while when you don't have to act happy when you're around them, it just happens. You know you've found someone that can help you when they make you feel better after talking to them when you've had a bad day. You'll just know. You always do. Even if it's not sudden or right away. Things in life take time. You learn that the hard way most of the time.
Life comes with no guarantee's, no.... second chances. Everyone tells you to live your life to the fullest because it's too short to be anything but happy. And it's true. You'll spend all this time upset and not realize how much time passes until you stop and take a look around. And you try to change what's been done. You fix your unhappiness and become happy for a change. You stop wallowing and shake it off. You drag yourself out of a deep hole that was dug for you. Never be afraid to smile until your face hurts or laugh until your stomach kills. Live in the moment you're in. Don't dwell on the past or think of the future. The people that love you most, that care about you, will stick with you for life. It doesn't matter how long you've known someone, it just matters who said "I'm here for you" and proved it.
And in the end, you always have someone like that. If it's under your nose or in front of your face. As Edward R. Murrow said, "The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." And he's right. Everyone is so quick to look to the bad side of things, they can't see the good. "The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish." as Evelyn Waugh puts it. But you can chose to do something. And eventually, you do. But remember, with each step forward, a piece of you is left behind. And a piece of you heals with time.
I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~Charles C. Finn
Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
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