You know, leading someone on is never good. Whether you tell them early on or late, it still sucks. For either person. Why would you want to do that anyway? It's not like it's fun. And if it is, then you've got something wrong. I mean, why would you want to do that? Pretend that you want someone, you want to have them, hold them, date them, whatever, then do a complete 360 and turn them around? It's not fair to them if they had no warning.
Why do people do this? Is it the fact that one person is so emotionally weak and looking for that one person to have and to hold, that they would do anything? Or is it the fact that you just find it fun to bet on the person you can make fall for you? These little things in life are the things that make us want to scream, but these things also make us become who we are. Sometimes a heartbreak is the thing that can kill you, or make you. Hopefully it makes you because if you die, you've lost a very important part of your life.
I could be just rambling at this stage, but when I type these things, I just let my fingers go and write down exactly what I'm thinking, and nothing less.
People are beings that... Find the simplest humor in torture of another. Emotionally, physically or mentally. Any way they can get you to squirm, they'll do it. They're the most sadistic. But a heart is something that should never, ever be played with. The heart is one thing that a person needs most. If a person cannot trust, they cannot love. And a life without love, is a life not worth living.
But with trust and love, there comes betrayal and heartbreak. With those two things, there comes inevitable sadness and anger. When things first play out for the worse, sadness is the first feeling to come. Usually, but not always. Sometimes the sadness isn't so bad, depending on the severity of the wound. But a lot of the time, anger controls you. And when anger controls a person, bad things may happen.
Wow, I got off topic...
In short, people are... basically... sadistic. They hurt and kill without knowing, but with pleasure. It's a horrible experience, but it's one that everyone goes through because we all have a heart. We all have emotions, whether or not we want to admit it. Being lead on sucks. Being pulled along on a string, helplessly...
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Showing posts with label people. Show all posts
Monday, March 16, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Everybody Leaves
Everybody always leaves. That's the scary thing. You never know who to love, who to trust, or which direction you want to go. You say you will never leave, but you always end up doing just that.
Leave.
It's what people do best. Some may not realize that, but it happens. You don't consider the consequences, good or bad. You would walk away from someone that needed you, you would leave them alone... Again. Just as you found them in the first place.
When you're young, it happens, and when you're old, it happens. People of all shapes and sizes leave, different ethnicities, different everything. You can never be 100% sure unless you know someone, but even then you're scared. You're scared of being alone, being abandoned... You would rather hate instead of being alone because then at least you knew someone was thinking about you, even in a bad way.
Because you can Never truly know what's in store for you until you enter, unless you take the initiative to do something about your unhappiness, your fear. But yet.... We understand. We understand that you're hesitant to trust. How can you tell what’s real? Whether it’s love or just lust? We should make everyone stay, stay a little longer. Hold them a little longer, kiss them a little longer, need them a little longer. Because once someone is gone, maybe we start getting used to the idea of not having them, and we become less and less dependent on that said person. It's not a game, and you're certainly no prize. You're far from perfection, and it's something you realize. You want them to promise to love you forever, but even promises are broken. They tell you over and over again, but it's always coming undone. Was it something you did? Something you said? You'll never know, but what you will know, is that something, along the line, something went wrong. And you pray with everything that it fixes itself, but it never does. You lie in bed, awake, for the second night with no chance of sleeping, thinking it was all a mistake. If people never entered, they would never have to leave.... So you've decided to give up, never let people in so they could never leave, but you know you would go insane. Sometimes all you need is a hug and reassurance to know you're wanted, needed, or just... There. You're not useless, but it's how you feel. You realize getting hurt is inevitable, but you don't want to go through it again... No, not again. No, you don't want the abuse, the marks, the bruises, the pain. You don't want the death, for your past to repeat itself.... You don't want to leave. All you want, is to be told, "I love you" from the person that it matters most.
You try so hard.... to be beautiful for once. To make yourself look... confident. You look for a comment, but it never comes. Do you know why? It's simply because they don't notice you. They don't notice your efforts because you're not worth the time. Maybe, on the outside there's a strong smile, but inside you're screaming. Everyone needs someone a while. Some days you're angry. At yourself, at the world, at a specific other. But you just want to be recognized, you suppose.
When you try, nothing comes. It's what you're used to. What can you do to keep them? Keep them with you, make them stay. If you dressed differently, acted different. It keeps you up for days on end. You're used to everything that happens but.... You want to change some that does....
But no one is there to help you...
You don't know what you can do anymore. Are you even good enough? Or is it pity? You can't tell the difference. All you do, is think. Think about it and sigh. It's in people's heads, and that's all. It's never there. What can you think? What can you do? Is there anything? No. You're not good enough.. Never will be. Because... no one notices you. No one is there. They all left.
But some are there. Some.
Leave.
It's what people do best. Some may not realize that, but it happens. You don't consider the consequences, good or bad. You would walk away from someone that needed you, you would leave them alone... Again. Just as you found them in the first place.
When you're young, it happens, and when you're old, it happens. People of all shapes and sizes leave, different ethnicities, different everything. You can never be 100% sure unless you know someone, but even then you're scared. You're scared of being alone, being abandoned... You would rather hate instead of being alone because then at least you knew someone was thinking about you, even in a bad way.
Because you can Never truly know what's in store for you until you enter, unless you take the initiative to do something about your unhappiness, your fear. But yet.... We understand. We understand that you're hesitant to trust. How can you tell what’s real? Whether it’s love or just lust? We should make everyone stay, stay a little longer. Hold them a little longer, kiss them a little longer, need them a little longer. Because once someone is gone, maybe we start getting used to the idea of not having them, and we become less and less dependent on that said person. It's not a game, and you're certainly no prize. You're far from perfection, and it's something you realize. You want them to promise to love you forever, but even promises are broken. They tell you over and over again, but it's always coming undone. Was it something you did? Something you said? You'll never know, but what you will know, is that something, along the line, something went wrong. And you pray with everything that it fixes itself, but it never does. You lie in bed, awake, for the second night with no chance of sleeping, thinking it was all a mistake. If people never entered, they would never have to leave.... So you've decided to give up, never let people in so they could never leave, but you know you would go insane. Sometimes all you need is a hug and reassurance to know you're wanted, needed, or just... There. You're not useless, but it's how you feel. You realize getting hurt is inevitable, but you don't want to go through it again... No, not again. No, you don't want the abuse, the marks, the bruises, the pain. You don't want the death, for your past to repeat itself.... You don't want to leave. All you want, is to be told, "I love you" from the person that it matters most.
You try so hard.... to be beautiful for once. To make yourself look... confident. You look for a comment, but it never comes. Do you know why? It's simply because they don't notice you. They don't notice your efforts because you're not worth the time. Maybe, on the outside there's a strong smile, but inside you're screaming. Everyone needs someone a while. Some days you're angry. At yourself, at the world, at a specific other. But you just want to be recognized, you suppose.
When you try, nothing comes. It's what you're used to. What can you do to keep them? Keep them with you, make them stay. If you dressed differently, acted different. It keeps you up for days on end. You're used to everything that happens but.... You want to change some that does....
But no one is there to help you...
You don't know what you can do anymore. Are you even good enough? Or is it pity? You can't tell the difference. All you do, is think. Think about it and sigh. It's in people's heads, and that's all. It's never there. What can you think? What can you do? Is there anything? No. You're not good enough.. Never will be. Because... no one notices you. No one is there. They all left.
But some are there. Some.
Talk
People talk. They gossip, spread rumors, call each other out, bash or compliment. Sometimes things lead to bad results, or even good ones. The result can be a loss of a friend, or a relationship. Or even the loss of a relationship. Some people let others in their life because the pain or joy they feel is so great. People want to spread the joy, or receive help for their pain.
Sometimes when the pain is so great, we will let anyone be the doctor. And other times, you want no one to be the doctor. You don't want help. You just want to remain in your own sadness and think. You feel that no one can help rescue you and no one can do anything to help. It would just make it worse. So you let no one inside your head to help. You leave that to yourself. But your own self doubt and pity for yourself gets in the way of reasoning. You can't reason with yourself to be pulled from your sadness because you don't think you can be. Your mind wants you to stay in this state so you don't get hurt again. But you're not stupid, you know it might happen again if you're not careful.
But other times you take a leap from the norm and trust someone to help you. A small opening is shown to let just one person in, to test the waters. Will it actually work? You don't know until you start to spill everything that's been eating at you for a long time. You don't know if it's the right thing to do once you start, but you can't pull back now. They already know something's wrong. It would be so embarrassing if they spilled it to someone else. It would be horrible because you see that said person frequently. Or maybe you don't. You don't care because it feels good to let someone in finally, even if your brain is smart and screams at you not to. You never mind it and continue. You hope that they can do something to help, and they most likely can, even if they don't say much. Even if you drag them into something you didn't want to, you still want help. And they don't mind giving it.
But what deep wound ever healed without a scar? None. Everything leaves a mark on your heart, on your life. But it makes you stronger. I know it hurts, it's life, and it's real. It fucking hurts and it kills, but it's pretty much all we've got.Nothing anyone can say or do can take back what is done because it's already imprinted on your life. The scar will be there for the rest of your life and you'll look back on it years from now and remember the pain you went through. But you got through it successfully and you're still on the earth. You're still part of humanity and stronger than ever. You have risen above it all.
You can't always get what or who you want and it's something that you've come to realize. It's not fair, we know. But God only gives you the people you need in your life to hurt you, leave you and love you. He doesn't give you the people you want. Yes, you might miss the past, but it's not part of your present for a reason. A damn good one. You can't wait for everything to pass, you have to learn to deal with the pain and the problems and dance in the rain. Happiness doesn't necessarily need sunshine to be happiness. You can find it in the rain. Holding onto something or someone after they've left you can be unhealthy and ruin your present. It's why people learn to live and let die.
You'll know you've found people worth your while when you don't have to act happy when you're around them, it just happens. You know you've found someone that can help you when they make you feel better after talking to them when you've had a bad day. You'll just know. You always do. Even if it's not sudden or right away. Things in life take time. You learn that the hard way most of the time.
Life comes with no guarantee's, no.... second chances. Everyone tells you to live your life to the fullest because it's too short to be anything but happy. And it's true. You'll spend all this time upset and not realize how much time passes until you stop and take a look around. And you try to change what's been done. You fix your unhappiness and become happy for a change. You stop wallowing and shake it off. You drag yourself out of a deep hole that was dug for you. Never be afraid to smile until your face hurts or laugh until your stomach kills. Live in the moment you're in. Don't dwell on the past or think of the future. The people that love you most, that care about you, will stick with you for life. It doesn't matter how long you've known someone, it just matters who said "I'm here for you" and proved it.
And in the end, you always have someone like that. If it's under your nose or in front of your face. As Edward R. Murrow said, "The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." And he's right. Everyone is so quick to look to the bad side of things, they can't see the good. "The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish." as Evelyn Waugh puts it. But you can chose to do something. And eventually, you do. But remember, with each step forward, a piece of you is left behind. And a piece of you heals with time.
Sometimes when the pain is so great, we will let anyone be the doctor. And other times, you want no one to be the doctor. You don't want help. You just want to remain in your own sadness and think. You feel that no one can help rescue you and no one can do anything to help. It would just make it worse. So you let no one inside your head to help. You leave that to yourself. But your own self doubt and pity for yourself gets in the way of reasoning. You can't reason with yourself to be pulled from your sadness because you don't think you can be. Your mind wants you to stay in this state so you don't get hurt again. But you're not stupid, you know it might happen again if you're not careful.
But other times you take a leap from the norm and trust someone to help you. A small opening is shown to let just one person in, to test the waters. Will it actually work? You don't know until you start to spill everything that's been eating at you for a long time. You don't know if it's the right thing to do once you start, but you can't pull back now. They already know something's wrong. It would be so embarrassing if they spilled it to someone else. It would be horrible because you see that said person frequently. Or maybe you don't. You don't care because it feels good to let someone in finally, even if your brain is smart and screams at you not to. You never mind it and continue. You hope that they can do something to help, and they most likely can, even if they don't say much. Even if you drag them into something you didn't want to, you still want help. And they don't mind giving it.
But what deep wound ever healed without a scar? None. Everything leaves a mark on your heart, on your life. But it makes you stronger. I know it hurts, it's life, and it's real. It fucking hurts and it kills, but it's pretty much all we've got.Nothing anyone can say or do can take back what is done because it's already imprinted on your life. The scar will be there for the rest of your life and you'll look back on it years from now and remember the pain you went through. But you got through it successfully and you're still on the earth. You're still part of humanity and stronger than ever. You have risen above it all.
You can't always get what or who you want and it's something that you've come to realize. It's not fair, we know. But God only gives you the people you need in your life to hurt you, leave you and love you. He doesn't give you the people you want. Yes, you might miss the past, but it's not part of your present for a reason. A damn good one. You can't wait for everything to pass, you have to learn to deal with the pain and the problems and dance in the rain. Happiness doesn't necessarily need sunshine to be happiness. You can find it in the rain. Holding onto something or someone after they've left you can be unhealthy and ruin your present. It's why people learn to live and let die.
You'll know you've found people worth your while when you don't have to act happy when you're around them, it just happens. You know you've found someone that can help you when they make you feel better after talking to them when you've had a bad day. You'll just know. You always do. Even if it's not sudden or right away. Things in life take time. You learn that the hard way most of the time.
Life comes with no guarantee's, no.... second chances. Everyone tells you to live your life to the fullest because it's too short to be anything but happy. And it's true. You'll spend all this time upset and not realize how much time passes until you stop and take a look around. And you try to change what's been done. You fix your unhappiness and become happy for a change. You stop wallowing and shake it off. You drag yourself out of a deep hole that was dug for you. Never be afraid to smile until your face hurts or laugh until your stomach kills. Live in the moment you're in. Don't dwell on the past or think of the future. The people that love you most, that care about you, will stick with you for life. It doesn't matter how long you've known someone, it just matters who said "I'm here for you" and proved it.
And in the end, you always have someone like that. If it's under your nose or in front of your face. As Edward R. Murrow said, "The obscure we see eventually. The completely obvious, it seems, takes longer." And he's right. Everyone is so quick to look to the bad side of things, they can't see the good. "The human mind is inspired enough when it comes to inventing horrors; it is when it tries to invent a Heaven that it shows itself cloddish." as Evelyn Waugh puts it. But you can chose to do something. And eventually, you do. But remember, with each step forward, a piece of you is left behind. And a piece of you heals with time.
I tell you everything that is really nothing, and nothing of what is everything, do not be fooled by what I am saying. Please listen carefully and try to hear what I am not saying. ~Charles C. Finn
Alice came to a fork in the road. "Which road do I take?" she asked.
"Where do you want to go?" responded the Cheshire cat.
"I don't know," Alice answered.
"Then," said the cat, "it doesn't matter."
~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland
What is it about death that brings a family closer? It looks like someone has to die in order to get a full family gathering. Instead of a birthday, or a reunion, or even something as simple as a graduation would normally bring everyone together, but not this time. Not this time around, it's happy. When you have over 40 people gathered in the same place, of the same family, for the same reason, it's never anything happy.
After everything that goes on during the duration of one day, there's never really any time to just sit down and take off your shoes. Between people visiting, the tears and all the sayings of, "I'm so sorry", and the dealing with the affairs, the final goodbyes and kisses, you never really have any time to just think.
Maybe it's a good thing. If you thought about anything, it would be in instant tear-trigger. Your eyes were red, puffy and sore from all the crying, and the sides of your nose looked like something from a paint can. Everyone was running around, down the streets, into cars, in and out of buildings and going everywhere but to a chair.
You didn't even have time to eat.
Whether it was your first experience with death or your seventh, it still hit you the same way. With a devastating blow to the chest. You could feel it in the pit of your heart, even though you tried your best to ignore it, and tried the best to keep yourself so busy with everything that you couldn't have time to listen to it, to feel it. But it's there. It's there waiting.
And when you finally do have the time to just sit... You don't know what to do. At a restaurant with mother and sister, you all talk of the memories that made you laugh, and the others that made you cringe. It didn't hit you hard because it was still waiting. It was waiting until you were alone.
When you entered the house it was quiet. It wasn't something you were used to. It was something that you would begin to hate. It was already something you hated. You half expected to see them as you walked in the door, but your heart knew that they weren't coming back. Having someone around you for the some-odd years that you've been alive, or the some-odd years you can remember and then walking around for just one day without them is odd.
During life, you're used to talking to someone's soul through their body. You begin to love them. You begin to love their soul, not their body. Their body is only the thing that carries their soul. It's nothing more than a place to be trapped inside until everything they needed to do was complete.
Their compulsive behaviors, their odd habits, and their sicknesses are all gone once they die because it was their body that held them. They would finally be free of everything that made them miserable, they would be free and peaceful, and happy.
That's something that you need to be happy for also. Even though you're sad and upset that they had to leave you before they got to witness everything that you were going to do, you were happy that they could be with their predeceased family once again.
If only they would have waited two or five years.... If only.... But then that means that they would have suffered more.
So it's something that you have to learn to let go. Yes, it will be a struggle, and yes, you will grieve for many months in the future, but if you know something, know this.... “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
After everything that goes on during the duration of one day, there's never really any time to just sit down and take off your shoes. Between people visiting, the tears and all the sayings of, "I'm so sorry", and the dealing with the affairs, the final goodbyes and kisses, you never really have any time to just think.
Maybe it's a good thing. If you thought about anything, it would be in instant tear-trigger. Your eyes were red, puffy and sore from all the crying, and the sides of your nose looked like something from a paint can. Everyone was running around, down the streets, into cars, in and out of buildings and going everywhere but to a chair.
You didn't even have time to eat.
Whether it was your first experience with death or your seventh, it still hit you the same way. With a devastating blow to the chest. You could feel it in the pit of your heart, even though you tried your best to ignore it, and tried the best to keep yourself so busy with everything that you couldn't have time to listen to it, to feel it. But it's there. It's there waiting.
And when you finally do have the time to just sit... You don't know what to do. At a restaurant with mother and sister, you all talk of the memories that made you laugh, and the others that made you cringe. It didn't hit you hard because it was still waiting. It was waiting until you were alone.
When you entered the house it was quiet. It wasn't something you were used to. It was something that you would begin to hate. It was already something you hated. You half expected to see them as you walked in the door, but your heart knew that they weren't coming back. Having someone around you for the some-odd years that you've been alive, or the some-odd years you can remember and then walking around for just one day without them is odd.
During life, you're used to talking to someone's soul through their body. You begin to love them. You begin to love their soul, not their body. Their body is only the thing that carries their soul. It's nothing more than a place to be trapped inside until everything they needed to do was complete.
Their compulsive behaviors, their odd habits, and their sicknesses are all gone once they die because it was their body that held them. They would finally be free of everything that made them miserable, they would be free and peaceful, and happy.
That's something that you need to be happy for also. Even though you're sad and upset that they had to leave you before they got to witness everything that you were going to do, you were happy that they could be with their predeceased family once again.
If only they would have waited two or five years.... If only.... But then that means that they would have suffered more.
So it's something that you have to learn to let go. Yes, it will be a struggle, and yes, you will grieve for many months in the future, but if you know something, know this.... “Perhaps they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are happy.”
Remembrance (Memory Of You)
Remembrance of a person is a bit strange. All of the memories that are held in the brain are released as you recall an event with a person, a person that had been your friend, uncle, aunt, mother, father, whatever. They were someone to you.
Their body had always been with you. Everyday they were there, asleep or awake, waiting. You weren't sure what they were waiting for, but it was something and it was there. Everyday new memories were made and stored in the back of your mind. Whether it was pointless and dull, or upbeat and hilarious, the memories were the memories. They were little things that would forever link you to that person, a very little thing that was there and real.
It's true that you cannot reach out and physically touch the memory, but you didn't need to in order to remember how real it truly was. The laughs that were shared and the sorrows as well, they were all as visible as the wind. Only you knew it was there, only you could be the one to feel it.
And if you really payed attention in the darkest hour of the night, you could hear the prayers of the people left behind. The countless Hail Mary's and the prayers of Our Father In Heaven. During that hour all voices of your loved ones were heard. The used-to-be frail voice of a small woman was now the strong and enthusiastic voice of a young woman who was not sick anymore. And the voice of a disgruntled, gentle old man became the voice of a healthy and vibrant young man.
Their words were like a blanket to make sure everything was going to be alright during the night. The words were like a promise to say that nothing would hurt you as long as they were there with their prayers and their love.
Nothing of sorrow came. Only happiness and laughter rang in your ears during the silent night. The strange feeling of remembrance, the strange feeling of knowing that when you walked downstairs they were no longer there, the strange feeling of being alone at night overwhelmed you as you lied motionless.
Being alone in the night with no outside noise was strange. It was always there for your life, and now all of a sudden it was gone. Your knees were the only part of your body that were hugged the most now. Huddled up to your chest and tucked beneath your chin.
However, the memories helped. They were flowing into your mind behind your closed eyelids, filling you with the good times. It's what helped you get to sleep at night. But what would happen when the memories run out? Nothing. Because they would never, ever run out as long as you let don't them.
Alone in the dark you felt, but alone in the dark you were not.
The poster on my wall, the picture on my desk.
A couple of things that remind me of this mess.
Every night I fall asleep hoping for a better tomorrow
But all I get are bad memories, a day filled with sorrow.
I remember your soft touch,
The one I miss so much.
I remember your smile... your laugh
If only I could just take it back.
I just completely hate the day I had to say goodbye,
I just simply hate the day you had to die.
Their body had always been with you. Everyday they were there, asleep or awake, waiting. You weren't sure what they were waiting for, but it was something and it was there. Everyday new memories were made and stored in the back of your mind. Whether it was pointless and dull, or upbeat and hilarious, the memories were the memories. They were little things that would forever link you to that person, a very little thing that was there and real.
It's true that you cannot reach out and physically touch the memory, but you didn't need to in order to remember how real it truly was. The laughs that were shared and the sorrows as well, they were all as visible as the wind. Only you knew it was there, only you could be the one to feel it.
And if you really payed attention in the darkest hour of the night, you could hear the prayers of the people left behind. The countless Hail Mary's and the prayers of Our Father In Heaven. During that hour all voices of your loved ones were heard. The used-to-be frail voice of a small woman was now the strong and enthusiastic voice of a young woman who was not sick anymore. And the voice of a disgruntled, gentle old man became the voice of a healthy and vibrant young man.
Their words were like a blanket to make sure everything was going to be alright during the night. The words were like a promise to say that nothing would hurt you as long as they were there with their prayers and their love.
Nothing of sorrow came. Only happiness and laughter rang in your ears during the silent night. The strange feeling of remembrance, the strange feeling of knowing that when you walked downstairs they were no longer there, the strange feeling of being alone at night overwhelmed you as you lied motionless.
Being alone in the night with no outside noise was strange. It was always there for your life, and now all of a sudden it was gone. Your knees were the only part of your body that were hugged the most now. Huddled up to your chest and tucked beneath your chin.
However, the memories helped. They were flowing into your mind behind your closed eyelids, filling you with the good times. It's what helped you get to sleep at night. But what would happen when the memories run out? Nothing. Because they would never, ever run out as long as you let don't them.
Alone in the dark you felt, but alone in the dark you were not.
The poster on my wall, the picture on my desk.
A couple of things that remind me of this mess.
Every night I fall asleep hoping for a better tomorrow
But all I get are bad memories, a day filled with sorrow.
I remember your soft touch,
The one I miss so much.
I remember your smile... your laugh
If only I could just take it back.
I just completely hate the day I had to say goodbye,
I just simply hate the day you had to die.
Day 61 - The identity you think you are does not exist.
Day 61 - The identity you think you are does not exist.
Originally uploaded by ShatteredMartialArtist
Or - We give each person our own identity to make their lives more interesting than our own. Or more dull than what we like to believe our lives are. We make people into what we want them to be like a successful accountant or a low-life bum living off of welfare. We're so quick to judge a person by their outside appearance. As always, there is also the stereotypical identity we give each sex. Women are expected to be beautiful, thin, busty and graceful as portrayed by the media, and men are supposed to be "ripped", tan and basically a stud.
But these "identities" are false. No woman is perfectly thin and curvy and no man is the perfect guy to be in a relationship with. Most won't surprise you by randomly showing up at your house just to see you, and not all women can find their way around the bedposts. We all have that type of person pictured and built in our minds, waiting for them to show up, but fall for someone of lesser.
But never mind who the other people are - Who are you? Are you your own person, or who somebody molds you into? Look at yourself. Are you who you've wanted to be all along? Maybe you are not your own person. You've let media, family, significant others, and crushes shape you into a person you know you're not. And you've gone so far down this path that you don't even know where to begin to say no. You don't know what music you actually like, or what your personality really is. So what do you end up doing? You keep letting other people make the choices for you.
Even if you let yourself be controlled by you, what influences your choices? You may not follow the pop culture, but everything at one point was considered to be "pop culture". You could have decided which way in life you're going to go and what you want to portray yourself as... But are you afraid of what people might think? Of course you are. We all are. Some more afraid than others. It's why we conceal a certain part of us that we want no one to see. We hide the things that make us unique. We hide the artistic things we do, we hide the activities we enjoy.... We're afraid of people's criticism. Maybe no consciously, but we are. Every one of us. Until we learn to say "Hey - fuck you" which can take the most confident people years.
Yes, you think you have an identity, but look at yourself. Who do you represent? Yourself, what you believe, or who someone else wants you to be? That you have to decide for yourself. As someone once said: "The identity you think you are does not exist." So what does that tell you? You do not exist? It's possible.
What are we really? Things that take up space, or things that have a purpose? Meaningless beings doing more harm than good, or individual people with individual causes?
Will we ever know what we are? Or will everyone just continue to ask the question: What/Who. Are. We?
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